


festival season

by missdibley



Series: The Red Nose Diaries [16]
Category: British Actor RPF, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: BFI London Film Festival, Bohemian Rhapsody parody, British Actor RPF - Freeform, F/M, High-Rise - Freeform, I Saw The Light, London Film Festival, Long Distance Relationship, RPF, San Sebastian International Film Festival, Texting, The Night Manager - Freeform, Times Talks, TimesTalks, Toronto International Film Festival, textual healing, tom hiddleston rpf - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2015-10-16
Packaged: 2018-04-23 01:24:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 2,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4857914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missdibley/pseuds/missdibley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I started writing a bunch of what I'd call micro-fics, text message exchanges between Red Nose Day Tom and Carmen when TIFF started. They're all on Tumblr, but I'm posting them here because why should everybody on Tumblr have all the fun?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Friday afternoon (9/11/2015)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Bedfordshire](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4767602) by [missdibley](https://archiveofourown.org/users/missdibley/pseuds/missdibley). 
  * Inspired by [I Just Want To See His Face](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4808765) by [missdibley](https://archiveofourown.org/users/missdibley/pseuds/missdibley). 
  * Inspired by [The Sweater Song](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4821929) by [missdibley](https://archiveofourown.org/users/missdibley/pseuds/missdibley). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmen is on her way to New York City for the US Open when calamity strikes. While Tom is in Toronto preparing for the world premiere of _I Saw The Light_ , he is there to text with her.

**Carmen:**  guess who has tickets to a women's final between two italians no one has heard of

 **Tom:**  i'm so sorry, button.

 **Carmen:**  me and mrs. harper are gonna get completely smashed

 **Tom:**  seems like you already started

 **Carmen:**  drown sorrows with tequila

 **Tom:**  don't forget to drink some water and take paracetamol

 **Carmen:**  yes right after this shot

 **Tom:**  careful button

 **Carmen:**  good luck tonight i love you so much you look so hot in that cowboy hat

 **Tom:**  thank you love i love you too

 **Carmen:**  save a horse ride a cowboy

 **Tom:**  oh you will

 **Carmen:**  yay


	2. Saturday Morning (9/12/2015)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmen made it to New York. Before she can make it to the US Open, she needs coffee and some textual healing from her sweet Tom.

**carmen:**  how am i not dead

 **tom:**  morning love

 **carmen:**  tequila bad coffee good

 **tom:**  true

 **carmen:**  nice gif sets from the premiere

 **tom:**  what am i doing in them

 **carmen:**  looking like hot sex

 **tom:**  seriously

 **carmen:**  signing shit destroying ovaries holding a cake with some girl #sideeye

 **tom:**  button

 **carmen:**  don't button me

 **tom:**  love

 **carmen:**  leaving you for my new friend jose cuervo

 **tom:**  give him my regards

 **carmen:**  asshole

 **tom:**  brat

 **carmen:**  i fucking love you so much please wear your glasses the next time we have sex please

 **tom:**  only if you wear that kilt

 **carmen:**  yes professor

 **tom:**  omg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the glasses: this was after pictures of Tom wearing glasses at various TIFF screenings of IStL and H-R had been published.
> 
> the kilt: the one Carmen was wearing when they first met in "The Overachievers"


	3. after the women's final (9/12/2015)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmen made a new friend at the U.S. Open, and I can't say that Tom is super excited about it. At first.

**Tom:** How was it?

 **Carmen:** The Italian won.

 **Tom:** V. funny

 **Carmen:** I had a funnel cake with Stanley Tucci

 **Tom:** Great actor. Always wanted to meet him.

 **Carmen:** He smells good.

 **Tom:** That’s nice.

 **Carmen:** Mrs. Harper tried to set us up.

 **Tom:** Button…

 **Carmen:** I told her I was already buttoned up, so to speak.

 **Tom:** That’s my girl.

 **Carmen:** But are you sure I can’t just flirt with him a little?

 **Tom:** Only if you want a spanking

 **Carmen:** Promise?

 **Tom:** Minx! You did that on purpose

 **Carmen:** I win! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've already read "I Just Want To See His Face" then you know that this is not the last we see of Mr. Tucci.


	4. Saturday Night (9/12/2015)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmen decides to stay in and text with Tom instead of drinking grappa with the Prime Minister of Italy. Really!

**Tom:**  button

 **Carmen:**  button is napping leave a message at the beep

 **Tom:**  what are you doing

 **Carmen:**  staying in

 **Tom:**  girls night?

 **Carmen:** just me - mrs h going to party italian embassy w/ matteo

 **Tom:**  matteo?

 **Carmen** : prime minister of italy - he has homemade grappa

 **Tom:**  !!!

 **Carmen:**  stanley said its good

 **Tom:**  are you still with stanley tucci

 **Carmen:**  no

 **Tom:**  good

 **Carmen:**  party tonight?

 **Tom:**  yeah

 **Carmen:**  have fun - but not too much

 **Tom:**  of course - hows the hotel

 **Carmen:**  nice but its missing something

 **Tom:**  whats that

 **Carmen:**  you

 **Tom:**  oh love

 **Carmen:**  i know i only saw you three days ago but i miss you

 **Tom:**  miss you too

 **Carmen:**  knock on door - should i answer

 **Tom:**  were you expecting something

 **Carmen:**  no

 **Tom:**  be careful

 **Carmen:**  okay hold for…

 **Tom:**  button?

 **Tom:**  carmen?

 **Tom:**  you there?

 **Carmen:**  thank you

 **Tom:**  you got them

 **Carmen:**  cornflowers they’re beautiful

 **Tom:**  look them up on wikipedia

 **Carmen:**  why

 **Tom:**  do it please

 **Carmen:**  ok - Centaurea cyanus aka cornflower aka bachelor’s button… you jerk

 **Tom:**  you like them

 **Carmen:**  of course i do they’re perfect - enough here to sleep on

 **Tom:**  send me a picture of that

 **Carmen:**  of course - night night

 **Tom:**  i love you

 **Carmen:**  i love you too


	5. otra conversación entre Tom y Carmen (con muchas disculpas a los hablantes nativos de español que están leyendo esto)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmen speaks Spanish terribly, and texts in Spanish even worse.

**Carmen:**  mi querido

 **Tom:**  sorry darling?

 **Carmen:**  mi hombre hermoso

 **Tom:**  are you going to text entirely in spanish while i'm in spain?

 **Carmen:**  quizás, mi amor

 **Tom:**  car...

 **Carmen:**  quién es carmen?

 **Tom:**  v. funny

 **Carmen:**  jajajajajajajajajajaja

 **Tom:**  s'il vous plait

 **Carmen:**  es español

 **Tom:**  ah... por favor?

 **Carmen:**  me encanta cuando ruegas

 **Tom:**  i'm looking all of this up on google translate

 **Carmen:**  claro

 **Tom:**  sorry love but i must go

 **Carmen:**  yo sólo quería decirte que te echo de menos

 **Tom:**  i miss you too

 **Carmen:**  te amo

 **Tom:**  love you... mi botón


	6. quite like this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An extra spicy gif of Tom and Mia in _Crimson Peak_ sets Carmen in a tizzy.

**Carmen:**  hey asshole

 **Tom:**  button?

 **Carmen:**  not that I’m jealous

 **Tom:**  HA #famouslastwords

 **Carmen:**  shut it shakespeare

 **Tom:**  what did i do now?

 **Carmen:**  it’s what you haven’t done

 **Tom:**  what haven’t i done

 **Carmen:**  kiss me like this

**Tom:**  i disagree

 **Carmen:**  really

 **Tom:**  you think not?

 **Carmen:**  of the many kisses, most of which have been great

 **Tom:**  only most?

 **Carmen:**  never *quite* like this

 **Tom:**  i disagree

 **Carmen:** …

 **Tom:**  i’ve kissed you exactly like this. on the lips.

 **Carmen:** …

 **Tom:** just not on the mouth

 **Carmen:**  o_O

 **Tom:**  <3 u

 **Carmen:**  <3 u 2


	7. san sebastian santa baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All Carmen wants for Christmas is a little something from Wales.

**Carmen:**  how’d the press screening go

 **Tom:**  good

 **Carmen:**  press conference

 **Tom:**  better

 **Carmen:**  of course it did you charmer

 **Tom:**  oh button

 **Carmen:**  quick q

 **Tom:**  i knew it

 **Carmen:**  if we’re still together at xmas

 **Tom:**  if?

 **Carmen:**  :)

 **Tom:**  yes?

 **Carmen:**  can i have luke for christmas?

 **Tom:**  my publicist? what for

 **Carmen:**  wrong luke

 **Tom:**  baby

 **Carmen:**  Eviddleston! i’d be the happiest girl in the world like Sienna in this pic #nowkiss

**Tom:**  NO

 **Carmen:**  hes welsh imagine him saying all those crazy welsh words - between my legs

 **Tom:**  NO

 **Carmen:**  whyyyyyyyyyyy

 **Tom:**  i don’t share my toys

 **Carmen** : dunno if i should be touched or offended

 **Tom:**  anything else

 **Carmen:**  luv u

 **Tom:**  luv u 2


	8. the night manager cometh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Imma let the exchange speak for itself.

**Tom:**  button

 **Carmen:**  hey baby

 **Tom:**  u okay

 **Carmen:**  ill say

 **Tom:**  rly?

 **Carmen:**  behold

**Tom:**  ur not jealous

 **Carmen:**  no

 **Tom:**  this is worse than CP gif right

 **Carmen:**  yeah but this is familiar

 **Tom:**  what do u mean

 **Carmen:**  the way you turn your head when you kiss. shoulder moving when you roll ur hips in. hands moving to hips. skin to skin. breathing each other in.

 **Tom:**  yes

 **Carmen:**  shes beautiful

 **Tom:**  i was thinking of u

 **Carmen:**  liar

 **Tom:**  rly

 **Carmen:**  this was after we met but before we said i luv u

 **Tom:**  this was when i knew

 **Carmen:**  in this scene?

 **Tom:**  after - i thought of u. hair. eyes. shoulders. voice. god ur voice. breasts. u whimper when we kiss. when i start touching u everywhere. warm. wet. alive.

 **Carmen:**  god

 **Tom:**  yeah

 **Carmen:**  everybody loves u. as they should

 **Tom:**  yes but im urs

 **Carmen:**  i know

 **Tom:**  miss u

 **Carmen:**  miss u love u

 **Tom:**  I love you too, Button.

 **Carmen:**  good night baby. so proud of you.

 **Tom:**  thx. sweet dreams


	9. a rhapsody for Jonathan Pine (with apologies to Queen)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a fic but a dumb parody I wrote after the BBC1 fall 2015 drama trailer with clips of "The Night Manager" came out. It's in the form of a chat with my friend andlifeisgrand.

**me** : is this the real life?

 **me** : is this just fantasy?

 **me** : caught in a Pine slide

 **me** : no escape from the BBC

 **me** : open your thighs

 **andlifeisgrand** : LMAAO

 **me** : hips to the skies and squeeeeeeee

 **me** : i'm just a poor slore

 **me** : ain't got no dignity

 **andlifeisgrand** : (This is perfect)

 **me** : because i'm easy cum

 **me** : easy blow

 **me** : little sighs

 **me** : little moans

 **me** : any way the tom goes

 **me** : doesn't really matter to me

 **me** : just do me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> post on tumblr at <http://missdibley.tumblr.com/post/129683534801/a-rhapsody-for-jonathan-pine-with-apologies-to> if you want to re-blog or like


	10. the last word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmen's response to Tom's loving e-mail about her has left her virtually speechless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't already read, Tom's email, it's here: <http://archiveofourown.org/works/4859612>.

**Tom:**  button

 **Carmen:**  …

 **Tom:**  say something

 **Carmen:**  what do you want me 2 say

 **Tom:**  did you get [my email](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4859612)

 **Carmen:**  that wasn’t email

 **Tom:**  wasn’t it?

 **Carmen:**  it was f[rederick’s letter at the end of “persuasion”](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frederick_Wentworth_\(Persuasion\)#Wentworth.27s_Love_letter) had a love child with keats [“bright star”](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bright_star,_would_I_were_steadfast_as_thou_art#The_text)

 **Tom:**  darling…

 **Carmen:**  i was just trying 2 be sweet - u sent me the email vers. of garnet mimms [i’ll take good care of u](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_X9Aurrju0). u win

 **Tom:**  say it again

 **Carmen:**  u win

 **Tom:**  what was that

 **Carmen:**  not saying it again

 **Tom:**  ha

 **Carmen:**  hate u

 **Tom:**  luv u 2


	11. something borrowed, something blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another day, another item in Tom's wardrobe that has Carmen seeing nothing but the color blue.

**Carmen:**  where is it

 **Tom:**  ?

 **Carmen:**  blue

 **Tom:**  t-shirt - u have it

 **Carmen:**  not that

 **Tom:**  sweater - u gave it back 2 me after i asked u 2 wear it so it smelled like ur perfume

 **Carmen:**  SWEATSHIRT

 **Tom:**  ?

 **Carmen:**  this

**Tom:**  ugh

 **Carmen:**  i thought same

 **Tom:**  u no like

 **Carmen:**  no not that - u cant help it

 **Tom:**  what

 **Carmen:**  eye fucking

 **Tom:**  LOL

 **Carmen:**  not funny - eye fuck game 2 strong - have 2 go work it out

 **Tom:**  work it out?

 **Carmen:**  get myself off

 **Tom:**  can you wait until i get home?

 **Carmen:** NO NO NO NO NO

 **Tom:**  i’ll wear the sweatshirt

 **Carmen:**  ‘k

 **Tom:**  you wear thigh highs

 **Carmen:**  well duh


	12. the property of a lady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmen texts Tom about rebooting a legendary film franchise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Photo is via thehiddlestonianobasan on Tumblr.

**Carmen:** so when ur james bond…

**Tom:** when?

 **Carmen:** yes WHEN - based on how u look in tux alone

 **Carmen:** chk it bb

**Tom:** u flatter me

 **Carmen:** i have an ulterior motive

 **Tom:** of course

 **Carmen:** if ur bond Imma bond grl - not in film obvs - need bond glr name

 **Tom:** y can’t u think it up

 **Carmen:** everybody knows u dont pick ur nickname

 **Tom:** right

 **Carmen:** i never thought of button [but u did & i love it](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4767602)

 **Tom:** aw baby

 **Carmen:**  ‘k cambridge gimme a bond girl name - make it quick

 **Tom:** windy (chicago) sweetheart (because u are)

 **Carmen:** boring

 **Tom:** tits ahoy?

 **Carmen:** stop

 **Tom:** got it

 **Carmen:** uh oh

 **Tom:** bananas o’ button

 **Carmen:** ur favorite fruit

 **Tom:** and my favorite…

 **Carmen:** OMG

 **Tom:** o_O

 **Carmen:** forget i asked

 **Tom:** LOL

 **Carmen:** hate u

 **Tom:** luv u


	13. H-R RC

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmen and Tom say goodnight late, after the premiere of High-Rise at the BFI London Film Festival. Fluff and dirty talk ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phone call happens right after "Carmen calls home" (<http://archiveofourown.org/works/4964833>).

_A phone call. time: 2am London, 8pm Chicago; date: somewhere between Friday 9 October and Saturday 10 October._

* * *

 

“How did it go?”

“Well, I think. Crowd seemed to like it.”

“I’m glad they loved it. Did you just get home?”

“Yeah, car just dropped me off.”

“Did you get my present?”

“I love it. I’m just sad you’re not here to eat it with me.”

“Well, I guess you’ll have to eat the entire banoffee pie by yourself.”

“I’m in training for SI. Pretty sure pie is not on the diet.”

“I won’t tell if you won’t.”

“What about the fish?”

“You mean the sardines?”

“Yeah.”

“Read the note, darling.”

“Just a tick… ah. Here we go... oh darling.”

“Yeah.”

 _“‘It must be in my nature, for anyone who gave me so much as a sardine could obtain anything from me.’_  Did St. Téresa really say that?”

“I think so. Who am I to doubt a Catholic saint?”

“I’m going to save these for your next visit.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I have this vision of feeding you sardines on toast. In bed.”

“Of course.”

“There was something else Téresa said.”

“How would you know? You’re not Catholic or a saint for that matter.”

“Give me time.”

“Rolling my eyes here.”

“Ha. No, I read some of her writings at university.”

“And you still remember it, Cambridge? Why am I not surprised? So what was it that she said?”

“Ah… if I can recall. yes:  _‘When I desire something, I am accustomed naturally to desire it with some vehemence.’”_

“Oh my.”

“Feisty isn’t she? Reminds me of somebody I know.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Well… Sienna was freaked by the way.”

“If she was, she didn’t show it.”

“You saw the red carpet pics?”

“I begrudgingly admit to admiring her dress.”

“My good girl.”

“But if she tries anything, I mean ANYTHING, take those sardines, wrap them in newspaper, and shove them up her…”

“Carmen!”

_“Esa maldita perra…”_

“Oh Button…”

_“Estúpida puta…”_

“Fuck yeah…”

_“Pero yo no la culpo.”_

“Please, baby.”

_“Eresa tan enorme. Es verdad.”_

“Shit Carmen…”

_“Estoy tan mojada, tan excitada. Ooooh, papi.”_

“Ugh…”

_"Ven por mi, papi.”_

“Fuck…”

_“Ven comigo, carino. Por favor, Tomas… ay…”_

…

…

…

…

…

…

“Carmen?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“I think I’m gonna have to buy this suit off the Ralph Lauren people.”

"Oh dear!”

"You’re splitting it with me.”

“Asshole!”

“Brat!”

_“Je t’aime, Bouton. Bonne nuit.”_

_“Te amo, Cariño. Buenas noches.”_


	14. livestream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmen checks in with Tom after he fills in for Guillermo in a livestreamed conversation for the New York Times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The stream is archived and can be watched here: <http://timestalks.com/detail-event.php?event=guillermo_del_toro_>.

**Carmen:** u did good

 **Tom:** thx

 **Carmen:** but i thought i heard u say ‘finging sweely”

 **Tom:** shit that really happened

 **Carmen:** sorry to bring it up

 **Tom:** its fine

 **Carmen:** u were very handsome

 **Tom:** thx

 **Carmen:** never noticed how cute GdT is

 **Tom:** he’s lovely

 **Carmen:** hes married right?

 **Tom:** yes

 **Carmen:** happily?

 **Tom:** button...

 **Carmen:** what?

 **Tom:** baby

 **Carmen:** u know i luv u BUT I AM NOT BLIND

 **Tom:** *sigh*

 **Carmen:** i didn’t watch the Q &A

 **Tom:** y not

 **Carmen:** Cubs won. gonna get a drink with the girls to celebrate

 **Tom:** try not to fall in love with any baseball players

 **Carmen:** i’ll see what i can do


	15. AA 367

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some texting between Tom and Carmen goes from tense to toxic.

**Carmen:**  baby

 **Tom:**  not now

 **Tom:**  i know what you’re going to do

 **Carmen:**  what am i going to do

 **Tom:**  you’re going to surprise me in NY

 **Tom:**  turn up at dinner or my hotel

 **Tom:**  fuck my brains out

 **Tom:**  try to cheer me up

 **Tom:**  make me forget

 **Carmen:**  forget about what

 **Tom:**  ISTL getting pushed

 **Tom:**  annoying interviews dumb questions

 **Tom:**  don’t want to discuss

 **Carmen:**  fine

 **Tom:**  do you want to talk

 **Carmen:**  i thought you said you didn’t want to talk

 **Tom:**  sorry

 **Carmen:**  why would you want to talk to somebody you don’t want to see

 **Tom:**  so sorry

 **Carmen:**  if i can’t come then feel free to go fuck somebody else if you’re so fucking upset

 **Tom:**  button

 **Carmen:**  fuck you

 **Tom:**  please

 **Carmen:**  SERIOUSLY FUCK YOU

 **Tom:**  car

 **Carmen:**  NO

 **Tom:**  i want to talk to you are you somewhere you can talk

 **Carmen:**  NO

 **Tom:**  please

 **Carmen:**  can’t talk because im already on the fucking plane you asshole - spent $8 on this wifi what a jerk i am

 **Tom:**  shit

 **Carmen:**  yeah - congratulations on having what will probably be the #1 movie at the box office this weekend

 **Tom:**  car

 **Carmen:**  lucky you to have such a wonderful girlfriend who was going to surprise visit you to celebrate. tell you her good news in person

 **Tom:**  what is it

 **Carmen:**  no

 **Tom:**  TELL ME

 **Tom:**  CAR

 **Tom:**  TELL ME

 **Tom:**  CARMEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I Saw The Light_ is being released in March and not November as originally planned: <http://deadline.com/2015/10/i-saw-the-light-moves-oscar-casualty-sony-pictures-classics-1201585220/>.


End file.
